I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So much rum. So many feels.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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