Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
