I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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