Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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