Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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