Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we're so committed to being not committed
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
