remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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