Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
