dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
