yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
