i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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