The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
