so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
