I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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