we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
