you traded sex for a burrito?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
