i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
