dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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