Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
