And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
