You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
