I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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