It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
