going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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