at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
