OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
