I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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