i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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