There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
