Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
