physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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