i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize