i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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