his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
wow bdsm is so cute
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