Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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