Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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