I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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