I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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