I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
