ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
