Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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