Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
