I wish I only lived at night.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's great music for shaving your balls
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
