the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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