I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
