evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
