did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
