I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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