Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
