nut hugger
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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