help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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