There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
